Golden Age Courtship Rites

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The Golden Age is often romanticized for intricate and highly complex courtship routines. The heart of Golden Age culture, Arindell, is best known for this, though many of the same customs were found in Sun's Beacon. The rules of courtship are a part of the larger chivlrous code called Conduct, which formally dictated the actions of proper ladies and gentlemen.

Formal Courtships

Process

A couple would first meet in a public setting, usually at a formal event. These were held across all socioeconomic classes, with each done according to their own wealth. The lower-class citizens emulated as best they could the traditions and routines of the upper-class. If a young man admired a young woman, he would first establish a cordial platonic relationship with her, meeting at events and getting to know her.

The man would then contract the services of a matchmaker, who would determine for him if the woman was already courting anyone and also if they were likely to be a good fit. Most matchmakers were older women, but some large-scale professional matchmaking services did exist. The matchmaker would determine if the girl had any other serious suitors while also estimating the likelihood of a good match. Professional matchmakers were said to be quite skilled. Many romantic novels from the era, center around a young and egotistic male protagonist, whose matchmaker forces him to learn to be a gentle soul before he can court the woman he loves.

Once the matchmaker has determined the request for courtship is likely to be well-received, the young man must approach the girl's father and request permission to court. The father could deny the request, though this was most common in upper-class societies where politics and inter-family dynamics played a role. It was also important for the father to like and respect the boy, lest he reject him on those grounds. Typically, the young man will have been coached in the finer points of social interaction by the matchmaker. If the father is not in the picture, permission must be granted by the young lady's legal guardian. Traditionally, if the young lady is cared for by her mother, the mother will appoint a trusted male relative or friend to give her permission by proxy. Tradition dictates that the request must be passed and permission given by men, even if the decision makers are women. If the father or proxy grants the request, the man must ask the woman, who can refuse if she so chooses.

Formal courtships most often begin the late teens. Part of the process was for young people to learn how to communicate with adults. Once permission to court had been granted, the two would continue to meet at public events to begin their relationship. A very complex code was developed around the Regalia colors of the Slayer Dragons with single and dual combinations able to propose a wide variety of communications.

Courting couples and sometimes single friends would gather for special activities of their own, usually without oversight. Mostly these were simply visits to the entertainment of the era. More infamously were the secretive "petting parties" in which groups of youths would gather in seclusion and engaging in petting routines. The theory was, if they did this as a group, no one would "go too far", and they would be able to police each other. Practice did not hold up these theories.

When it came time to propose, the man was expected to ask the woman. He did not need to request permission again from her father or guardian, as the initial request to court assumed the possibility of a proposal. It was then solely up to the woman to accept or deny the request.

Other Aspects

Young men were usually also expected to perform "feats of strength and endurance", styled after The Trials undertaken by Slayer Dragons. These were usually self-imposed tasks meant to impress the young lady, though a woman's father or guardian was allowed to present tasks. Whether or not the man completed feats assigned by the young lady's father was up to him. A popular method of telling a young man that permission to court his daughter had been revoked, was for a father to assign him to climb High Mountain. This being both a technical impossibility and suicide by dragon, the message was generally received.

Most of the tasks were to be completed personally, though athletic competitions were common. Since there can only be so many winners in any competition, the feat usually just involved competing. Along with purely physical endeavors such as races and swimming, demonstrations of mental discipline were also important, such as reciting classic poetry or reading certain books. In the later stages of courtship, men might recite lengthy oaths of love and fidelity.

Pre-Fru-Arannco

The exact nature of this rite has not been well-preserved but if the young lady was skilled in Arannco she may preform a dance for her intended. The first time this occurred was called the 'Pre-Fru-Arannco' and would be seen as a major event in the courtship. Whether it happened before or after the proposal remains a matter of some debate, with most historians agreeing it took place after for the first 150 years or so and before during the rest of the Classical Golden Age.

The Harl

In the early Golden Age, being chaste and demonstrating self control were considered the heights of masculinity. Eieber himself was known for being life-long celibate, though mainly do to his dedication to the cause. While obviously complete celibacy was out of the question due to the need to propagate the species, being chaste was considered an ideal virtue.

Out of this was born The Harl, a sort of ritual element usually carried out a few days before the actual wedding. Though not included in all courtships, it was especially popular around Emily's era. The woman being courted would sexually tempt her fiancé, who was then expected to resist. Exactly how much temptation and for how long was generally a private matter, but successfully completion of The Harl was seen as a blessing for the sanctity of the union.

Color Codes

While much of the courtship rites were conducted openly, many elements could also be communicated through an elaborate code of dress, based on the regalia of then-sitting Slayer Dragons and changed regularly. Every eligible young person would have to own, at the very least, a neckerchief and scarf in every regalia color. Wealthier individuals would own a wide array of outfits and accessories.

While dress based on Slayer Dragon regalia was common throughout society, the colors took on special significance in matters matrimonial. A young man seeking courtship would dress in the colors of a Slayer Dragon expected to become the next Pendragon. When he'd begun actively courting a young lady, he'd change to the colors of the carrying-Pendragon. Women would wear colors according to a Slayer Dragon whom she felt matched her temperament, to help better indicate what she was looking for in a suitor. When a woman began courting a young man, she would wear only one of the colors of the Pendragon. If she appeared in public wearing different colors, it was often a sign that the courtship had ended or she was losing interest.

Additional to clothing were small strips of cloth. While attending social events, young men would carry a bag or stuff a pocket with colored strips. When he spotted a woman he was interested in, he would take the strips corresponding to his own colors as well as those of his fancy, and have a messenger deliver them to her. If she tied all four strips together, it meant she was interested; if she tied only hers, it meant she was already courting; and when she tied just his, it indicated she understood him to already be in a courtship with another and did not wish to be a second (multiple consecutive courtships were not uncommon).

The pattern and tightness of the knots could also indicate the strength of a woman's feelings on the subjects. Knots tied only loosely meant she did not feel very strongly about her response, and the potential suitor could possibly change her mind. Tighter knots indicated a firmer decision. Sending back a young man's packet of fabric strips with each individual strip tied in very tight knots was a clear rejection.

Significance of White

Since white was never used as a regalia color, by the early-to-mid Golden Age, it took on signficiance during courtship. When a couple became formally engaged, both parties would wear white as a sign that they were 'off the market'. Other colors not used in regalia were also meant to indicate this, but white was the most popular. Pure white fabrics were expensive and keeping a garment that color required special care. Among the poorer classes, it was used as a symbol of commitment; with individuals usually wearing only a scarf or headband. The upper classes flaunted their all-white engagement garments as signs of wealth.

Engagement rings did not become common until the very late Golden Age. It was customer upon proposal for a man to give his wife-to-be an expensive gift as a sign of his ability to care for her. In the early part of the age, this was most popularly a white garment. A man who could afford to give a white gown was usually highly regarded.

During the second century of the Golden Age, white gowns were also associated with virginity. A young woman who wore white during her engagement and to her wedding was doing so as a statement that she was virginal. Given the values of Golden Age culture, however, it would be completely unheard of for a woman to admit publicly to not being a virgin at the time of her first wedding. During this part of the era, women remarrying did not wear white, if they were involved in a formal courtship at all.

By the mid third-century, the notion of both parties dressing in white to signify their commitment to one another had become firmly entrenched, though common wedding tradition still had the bride wear white while the groom dressed in the colors of the Pendragon. By the middle of the age, the tradition had shifted to the bride wearing one color while the groom wore the other, with their members of their wedding party wearing both.

Surviving Knot Codes

During the early to mid Golden Age, an entire code was based around strips of cloth braided or tied in knots. The language was as complicated as any written word, able to carry whole conversations, poetry, and convey other nuances. Nearly all of it has been lost, except, of course, for the one part of every language newcomers always flock to first.

In particular, Golden Age sensibilities did not allow for outward discussions of intimate activity, in particular between a courting couple. In private, after becoming engaged, perhaps, but before that such matters had to be determined clandestinely. A whole section of the knot code was dedicated to communicate, in detail, what level of activity both parties sought or could tolerate. The original code was extremely specific, with signs stating that a male suitor could touch his beloved on the bosom under her dress but over her corset; or specific derivations such as a kiss on the hand, on the lips, with open mouth, etc. Even more explicit acts, taboo but still in practice, had especially secretive codes on par with a military cipher (indeed, armies all over the Greater Continent employed codes based on the knot system, knowing many recruits would be familiar with it). Even the colors were important: the colors of a younger Slayer Dragon might mean the girl was tolerant but not comfortable, while those of an older one indicated it was welcome, and the Pendragon's colors meant the contact was desired.

While the more complex meanings eventually fell away, a highly simplified version remained, denoting what level of intimacy an individual preferred. Even the colors were abandoned, and the braids themselves remained only in the language: 'One knot' meant a kiss, while a 'braided knot' indicated a more serious make-out. A 'braided knot that got untied' referred to fondling a bosom, while a 'low half hitch' indicated light activity below the belt. The term 'full hitch' came to mean sex, while adding the phrase 'tightened' meant a committed relationship. So a person might say, "We tied down a full-hitch but didn't tighten it", indicating a casual sexual encounter. Likewise, "Getting hitched" came to mean, Consummating a marriage.

By the early Second Age, even the concept of 'tightening' was dropped, and the whole matter came to be associated with ropes. The connection to the Golden Age concept of courtship was forgotten, but the colloquialism endured and passed through many changes. By the late Second Age it was common slang to use a number of knots to denote different levels: 1 knot for kissing, two for touching, three for oral, and four for intercourse.

Seasonal Cotillions

While dances and large parties happen every week, there are a few events with significant importance. The fall cotillion is when the debutantes traditionally come out, marking their availability for courtship (though many may already be in courtships at this point).

At the Spring Cotillion, couples traditionally announce formal courtships to the world. This is done subtly, usually by arrival announcements. Any girl not in a courtship is "escorted by" an available youth, while any girl formally in one is "accompanied by" her partner.

Informal Courtships

The formal rites were mostly practiced by the upper class and by younger individuals in all rungs of society. Among the lower classes, courtship or even marriages were often ignored by those in their late twenties. Middle-class citizens would practice a very relaxed informal courtship, similar to the formal but with much more direct communication.

Wedding Rituals

Golden Age weddings were an interesting and ever-changing affair. As with most aspects of societal life, these centered heavily around the Slayer Dragons.

Pre-Wedding Customs

Golden Age weddings typically lasted two days, with a handful of special rituals carried out the day before and the public ceremony on the morning after. Later in the era, couples would then leave on honeymoon.

In the days and weeks leading up to the wedding, the bride and groom would separately gather their 'lieutenants' and 'seconds'. These later become known as best man/maid of honor, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen. These individuals were tasked with ensuring the wedding happened, both in a practical way(ehlping to plan and execute it) and in a ceremonial way(completing various rituals intended to make the marriage last).

Abduction and Lock In

The day before the wedding, the groomsmen would 'abduct' the groom. Sometimes this was more planned than others, but it was their task to capture him, beat him, bind him, then take him to a secured location where he would be held overnight. The job of the groomsmen was to ensure that the groom did not escape before his wedding. While the beatings were typically superficial, it was expected that the groomsmen would deliver it "as a warning". Any man who ran out on his wedding could expect a much less superficial thrashing. During this time, the groom was also expected to talk about his marital oaths with his groomsmen, then ask them to beat him if he broke them. Good groomsmen would swear to do so.

In fact, an interesting legal precedent was later established. As the society in Arindell and the surrounding regions became more civilized, various court cases established a few things. Firstly, a man's groomsmen were allowed to beat him soundly if they discovered he had been unfaithful to is wife(with the only limit being that the beatings could not 'cause grievous or permanent bodily harm"); and second, that they were in fact legally required to do so. On more than one occasion in the fourth and fifth centuries of the Golden Age, court orders were issued forcing groomsmen to "deliver a sound thrashing" with various mandates. The bride or bride's family was entitled to monetary recompense if the beating did not occur.

As for the extend of the pre-wedding beating, the groom was generally expected to present with some form of physical injury, though this requirement abated some as time passed. Informally, it was generally assumed the groom would later be a groomsmen for his friends, and have the chance to return the favor in kind.

The lock-in aspect was also an important element. It was vital to the ritual that a lock of some kind bar them in, with the best man holding the key. The modern practice of the 'bachelor party' did not come about until many centuries after the lock-ins had ended, and is thus thought to be unrelated.

Bathing

The bridesmaids, meanwhile, were expected to take on the role of handmaidens for the bride-to-be. On the day before the wedding, they were to gather any materials and complete all the tasks needed to prepare the bride. In the evening, they would spend several hours bathing her and pouring scented oils over her. Her freshly-cleaned body was then laid on a bed of flower petals (which would be used in the procession the next day) while the bridesmaids sat up beside her all night and watched her sleep. If the bride was nervous or slept fitfully, the bridesmaids would be on hand to calm her. In the early morning before the ceremony, the bridesmaids would then help the bride dress and prepare.

The bridesmaids were primarily tasked with doing every possible thing to help the bride prepare, as well as keeping her calm and ensuring she was rested. This meant it was also tradition for the bridesmaids to do her hair and later makeup. Nearly every young woman studied, to some degree, how to dress hair. As time passed, however, and professional stylists became common, this aspect of the ritual dropped away. It was especially prevalent during the Stador era, and was notable among the upper-class: a woman of means who could afford an actual lady's maid would often make her a part of the wedding party.

Marital Swords

Having an ornate, decorative sword at your wedding was considered imperative: usually a replica of Sword Echbalder, though tastes and aesthetics varied. Wealthier couples would typically commission a unique sword which would then be kept in their marital home. Among the middle classes it was more common to rent a sword, with several named, high-profile items being in the highest demand. Effectively, securing a good location for your wedding was less important than making sure an especially pretty sword was present at it. Most prized were actual enchanted swords left over from the Mage Wars, with special signficance if you could get the current owner of the sword to be present.

Interestingly, it was considered the lowest form to have to borrow someone else's marital sword for your wedding. While renting one was widely accepted, borrowing one was a sign of financial difficulties.

The lower classes had another interesting deviation on the ritual. For them, borrowing a sword was simply expected, and often times the borrowed weapon would not be particularly fine or ornate. Swords of the city watch were the most common, and similarly it was considered a great honor to be asked to bring your sword to a wedding. In truth, being invited to a lot of weddings was widely regarded as a 'perk' of being a city guard. In addition to the real sword, poor couples would always purchase a fake, often wooden (though metal if they could afford it) mock-up of a sword to hang in their marital home, which would be present at the wedding. While these were often ornate and quite decorative, it was always according to the means of the couple.

During the early part of the era, the poorest of the poor would carve a wooden sword themselves. As time went by, however, this practice became a symbol of love; and thus carving a wooden sword for your wedding became the norm. This custom was even seen occasionally in upper and middle-class weddings, and briefly adopted as part of the formal courtship rites.

Wedding Parties

The parties were based on the lives of the early Slayer Dragons and inspired by the events of the end of the Mage Wars. This involved many traditional roles and adopted various customs over time, all based around loyalty, honor, and commitment. The central focus of the wedding was "The Ten": the bride, groom, and their attendants. Initially this was the idea of the groom taking on the role of Eieber, though as time passed the bride took focus. The rest of the attendants complete The Ten, and together they re-enact the Long March to marry the couple. Usually this meant four bridesmaids and four groomsmen, though sometimes the makeup would be modeled after the current Ten. As there were sometimes as few as 1 female Slayer Dragon, this ritual was not often practiced.

Initial weddings had the groom taking on the role of Eieber. With the fourth Pendragon of Slayer Dragons there came a period known colloquially as "The Stador Era", which saw two female Pendragons in a row. Between Astrid Strador and Emily, three generations had female Pendragons to emulate. The basic makeup of modeling a wedding after Eieber's Long March was kept, but the bride took a more prominent and powerful role, sometimes becoming 'Pendragon' herself. As the centuries passed, as tastes ebbed and flowed, and by the third century the basic rite centered on both "ending the wars" together.

The Ten

The bride, groom, and their attendants made up The Ten, taking on the traditional guise of the Slayer Dragons. This most often meant dressing in regalia colors; selected by the bride, or copied from the current Ten, the original Ten, or any number of other sources. Sometimes they were simply chosen by the couple (most usually the bride).

The party members would traditionally carry faux, though practical, ornate weapons. In the early part of the Age, shields were carried. During the wedding, the party would form a 'shield wall' around the couple. A shield and pike were the most common armaments, though swords and axes were also used. Later in the era, the party would carry weapons and wear costumes modeled on those of the current Slayer Dragons.

As with all aspects of courtship and marriage, the quality of the props varied according to the means of the couple. Wealthier individuals would purchase, middle-classes would rent, and poor would make their own. For the lower-classes, these were usually made from paper or wood, though making them was considered a fun activity itself, so even wealthier couples might take this route. Around the middle of the Age, it was in vogue for the wedding party to provide their own ceremonial weapons, with the quality of these as a show of respect for the married couple.

Lieutenants

The 'best man' and 'maid of honor' were called lieutenants. Though technically all of the original Ten started as Eieber's lieutenants, this was a way for the bride and groom to give special congregation to the trusted seconds. Eventually, common terms such as 'best man' and 'maid of honor' took over, but at first they were known as 'Bride's Lieutenant' and 'Groom's Lieutenant'. Especially during the Stador era, the groom did not have a formal lieutenant, but the bride had a 'Squire'.

Other Roles

Standard Bearers

If the couple had more than eight close friends to whom they wanted to give a central place in the party, they would name standard bearers. Instead of weapons these would carry flags. In all other ways they would participate like the bridesmaids and groomsmen. This allowed the couple to have more than eight bridesmaids or groomsmen without technically having more than The Ten, as everyone knew Eieber's Ten had lieutenants and standard bearers of their own.

Callers

The Callers were often friends of the bride and groom but not given the same significance as either The Ten or the standard bearers. This role was typically reserved for acquaintances of the couple whom they wanted to give a place of prominence, but who would not need to be furnished with costumes or weapons. The job of the Callers was to proceed ahead of the march and clear a path, a task that involved shouting 'make way' a lot.

Benefactor

The Benefactor was usually the father of the bride, and his role was analogous to 'giving away the bride' in modern weddings. During the Golden Age, it was always customary for the benefactor to be male. If the bride's father was dead or unavailable, some other male elder was asked to take this role. This was tied to the aspects of courtship that involved the groom being required to seek permission and to perform feats. In later centuries the traditions regarding Benefactors relaxed somewhat to include the mother, but a central tenet remained the requirement for a male benefactor.

Weddings of the time were modeled in practice on the Magical Quests according to the Laws of Antiquity. The benefactor would bestow upon the young couple the "task" of marriage, and usually give a speech about their roles. While this was often recited from a list of popular speeches, it was not unusual for the benefactor to create his own. The role of benefactor was regarded as a high honor, especially if the bride was fatherless or her father could not be in attendance. A benefactor who did not perform well at the wedding, such as by failing to put enough feeling into his speech, or being drunk, could expect to be called out on his behavior by others.

Sword Bearer and Sword Presenter

Initially a single role but later split into two.

Since having a sword at the wedding was an important part of the custom, and Golden Age weddings involved a fair amount of moving around, it was important to have someone in charge of keeping the sword close at hand. Depending on the size of the party, there would be anywhere between one and five people tasked with this, with one official sword-bearer. In later centuries the sword bearer would also carry the things, a duty originally given to the lieutenants. The sword would either be carried by a bearer or carted around on a palanquin and moved between a number of altars. In lower-class weddings where someone had been asked to bring a sword, this person was also commonly made sword-bearer. This is in fact why the separate role of Sword Presenter was created, since the bearer may often not be someone well-known to the couple.

The Sword Presenter was meant to represent the Atayan leader who originally gave Echbalder to Eieber, an event portrayed as part of most marriage ceremonies. During the first part of the age, this was part was played by the Benefactor; beginning in the Stador era, it became the job of the bride's mother. While Presenter did not remain an exclusively female role, eventually it came to represent a corollary to the Benefactor. Since the sword was central to the ritual, this in turn gave the Presenter a very central role.

Officiator

In Arindell and Sun's Beacon where these customs originated, nearly the entire population were cardinalists. While other religions were practiced, it was still common to borrow from the typical ceremony, sometimes blending elements of one's own religion. At its core, the ritual was about the Slayer Dragons, not Cardinalism.

The officiator had an important ceremonial role as well as a legal one. Technically anyone could officiate a wedding, but it was usually a religious leader. In the predominantly Cardinalist population, this meant a priest or church leader. In stark contrast to many other elements of the marriage customs, the rank or authority of the religious leader was of less value than his or her importance to the couple. The purpose of the officiator was to give the couple someone to swear their oaths before. As such, this had to be someone they would be ashamed to break the vows in front of.

Indeed, high-ranking church officials often lamented how rarely they were asked to officiate weddings, as their stations often precluded them from much interaction with the public. This also led to an interesting dichotomy wherein mid-level priests often performed marriages for middle and lower class individuals, where the wealthy typically had a very low-level priest officiate. The wealthy and well-to-do typically lived in less densely-populated areas, and therefore attended much smaller churches.

Necromancers

An interesting corollary comes from Necromancers of the era. Arindell then boasted a large population of Necromancers. While as a culture they had their own marriage customs, in Arindell it was popular to follow the common custom. This included, strangely, securing a Cardinal priest to officiate. Necromancers did not necessarily believe in a supreme being, but did respect the authority of the church--in many cases more so than that of their own priests. Having a cardinal priest to swear before therefore made your oaths more valuable.

Wedding Ceremony

The Golden Age wedding involved a lot of sitting, standing, and awkward turning. The whole ensemble involved a highly stratified series of roles and a number of customs with ritual significance. Each wedding was a little different, but the basic tenants involved a procession with various stops. Since no one wanted to travel very far, this involved a certain amount of marching around in circles. Needless to say, the bride usually wore sturdy shoes.

Wedding Parade

The first part of the ceremony was the parade, meant to signify Eieber's initial sortie before the march. This involves the central wedding party, the standards bearers, and the callers. For this part of the ceremony everyone marches in ranks, though beginning in the Stador era and later on it was common for the bride to march at the head of the formation. Usually she would carry a weapon, sometimes the marital sword(particularly during the Stador era), but later just a baton or other article which she would use to give signals to her 'army'.

Presentation of the Quest

The marchers would then come before the Benefactor, who would single out the bride and groom(during the Stador era, the bride more specifically). This is when he would make his speech, which was essentially about sending them on a mission to get married.

Presentation of the Sword

Next, the party, now with the bride and groom marching at the head, would meet with the Sword Bearer and Sword Presenter. If the bride was not already carrying the marital sword, she would be given it now. In the pre-Stador-era, the groom instead took up the sword. This also happened sometimes in the post-era, though customs came and went based on popularity and other factors. Importantly, someone took up the sword.

Once this had happened, the central core, The Ten, would form ranks around the bride and groom, with the Standards Bearers(if their were any) around them, and the callers marching ahead. The sword bearer and presenter would also join the party(sometimes along with the Benefactor).

March

The procession would first circle the gathered guests, then walk up a central aisle. This was symbolic of a long journey as part of a magical quest, and representative of Eieber's march. How many times they circled was up to the couple, though especially in the early ritual more was seen as better.

The Acts of Valor

The groom would be required to make a speech in which he recounted the many acts of heroism and bravery that proved his worthiness to take the bride's hand. Initially this was made to the assembled guests, but in the Stador-era it became customer to make the declaration to the bride. This part of the ritual was maintained after the Stador era, though in some cases he would instead make it to the Benefactor or Sword Presenter. The most common format, since these were often the bride's mother and father, was to have them stand on either side of her while the groom made his declarations, at which point he would then be given permission so swear his oaths. Traditionally, the groom would make this speech down on one knee, holding up the marital sword. In the Stador era, where the bride usually held the sword, the groom would remain on one knee while the bride held the sword over his head.

Altar Call

This was perhaps one of the most interesting customs that went through rapid and profound changes. Originally, the marital oaths were a secret. The bride and groom would be called into a room or behind a barrier where they would swear their oaths only before the Officiator. Originally it was important they go someplace separate from the main wedding group, later The Ten were included, later only a barrier was needed, and by the Stador era the secrect element was dropped entirely.

In the version of the ceremony that endured, the couple would be called to the altar by the officitor, where they would lay the marital sword along with personal trinkets(eventually, wedding rings). Usually the Lieutenants would carry the trinkets, though later it was the Sword Bearer's duty. Originally the trinkets were something of profound personal significance to the couple. Usually a piece of jewelry, it was meant to be something important to them that could be exchanged with their spouse. After the Stador Era, specially designated 'wedding trinkets' were a common gift in early childhood, though since they would typically be kept in a box for most of a person's life, the actual sentimental value was questionable. It is unclear exactly when the exchange of rings became part of the custom, but by at least the fifth century this was the norm.

At the altar, the couple would swear their oaths to one another before the officiator(and later the entire assembly) while their party stood a ceremonial guard. Pre-Stador it was normal for the wedding party to carry shields and form a shield wall, later they mostly stood around and looked menacing. The bearing of weapons was an important part of the custom, signifying they would let no one stop the couple from completing their oaths.

Marital Oaths

In the early format, in contrast to later wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom did not speak, nor make any public declarations of love and commitment. Marital Oaths were made in private, before the wedding, and taken very seriously. A couple's pretense at the wedding was considered proof enough that they had made these oaths to each other.

It only later became customer to make the oaths publicly, first just to the Officiator and later before the entire gathered party. Marital oaths were never standardized, but considered very important. In fact, having to use an oath written by someone else was thought to be highly embarassing, even if the groom was a poor word-smith.

The wedding party was also called upon to swear and oath, mostly just that they'd witnessed the oaths being made. When literacy became more widespread, it was customary for the witnesses to write statements. Not about the contents of the oaths, but that they had been made, and about their validity. These would then be held by the church, and were commonly brought out as evidence in divorce proceedings.

It was only after the Golden Age that it became customary to record the oaths themselves; which were eventually standardized and used as the basis for the first marriage licenses. Oaths eventually became vows spoken during the marriage ceremony: either by bride and groom, or by the officiator, or by some representative appointed from among the party, for that purpose.

The Atonement

Next, the married couple would kneel together, and the marital sword would be placed across their shoulders(usually inside a scabbard when it was indeed a real, sharpened sword).

Especially in the strictly cardinal version and in most religious formats of the ceremony, this is where the officiator would speak a prayer over the couple. This involved forgiving them for any transgressions committed against one another during the courtship process. The prayer also often included a line about "restoring virtue" to the couple just in case, in order to ensure the rest of the ritual was completed successfully.

The Sword Bearer would then remove the sword and hold it, while the couple exchanged trinkets. The bearer would then kneel and hold the sword out straight, and the couple would jump over it. With this act, the Officiator would announce that they were married.

Completion

Once the prayers had been completed, the procession would reform and the party would escort the bride and groom back down the aisle. The marital sword was returned to one or both of them(a common custom later in the era was to hold the sword together). Their path would be covered by the flower peddles the bride had slept on the night before(usually spread there by young girls, thus starting the tradition of flower girls), while the crowd cheered and chanted their success at becoming married. The whole ceremony, in wealthy families, could take several days; and in the poorest families, only a few minutes.

Reception and Consummation

In the early Golden Age, wedding receptions were no more than the gathered wedding guests sticking around to gossip and talk after the public portion of the marriage ceremony. As travel became available to the wider masses, formal receptions involving food and fellowship were the norm. However, the bride and groom were not present at these.

Immediately after the completion of the ceremony, the wedding party would escort the bride and groom to a secluded, private place, where they were expected to consummate their union. The wedding party would typically remain nearby, to ensure the couple's privacy. This element was especially important among the lower classes, where having a private place to consummate was a considerable luxury.

Especially during the early centuries of the Golden Age, it was expected that both parties should remain virginal until their wedding day. While this was not often the case, it was at least true as far as public perception. Both bride and groom received considerable shaming for failure to do so, though men actually had it worse. A man who failed to be a virgin for his wife was regarded as weak-willed and unfaithful. Women were pitied more than shamed, as it was considered that a woman who failed to remain virginal must have been taken against her will. In both cases, the bride and groom were expected to disclose this status to one another during their marital oaths. Part of the prayers said over them during the ceremony also included a cleansing, so that, regardless of actual status, both parties were always considered to be virginal at the time their marriage was consummated. In cases of second marriages, this was considered especially important, as it allowed both sides to fulfill what was regarded as an important marital duty. This prayer was included in all wedding ceremonies as a sort of blanket coverage, thus allowing any couple to escape judgement.

During the first century, "proof of consummation" in the form of bloody sheets was sometimes required among upper-class families. However, given the Golden Age's attitude towards sex, this was generally regarded as poor taste. Astrid Stador openly condemned the practice, calling it "vulgar" and "a violation of the bride's privacy". The practice was formally outlawed by the church at the beginning of the third century, with the Doseu decrying it. However, since since the act of consummation was a legal requirement for the marriage to be recognized, the 'proof' was replaced by oaths(later signed statements) from the wedding party. Since any description was still seen as vulgar, the party would essentially swear that they had escorted the couple to a private location, then stood guard over that location for some hours without the new couple having emerged. So long as these statements existed, it was generally regarded that the marriage had been consummated, regardless of actual fact.

Post-Wedding Customs

Regardless of station, the couple was expected to have some time alone after the ceremony. This practice eventually evolved into the modern "honeymoon".

Marital Shrines

The wealthiest couples of society's elite would build extravagant shrines in their marital homes, of the wedding clothes and ceremonial weapons of the party, which of course had to be regularly cleaned and maintained. When the couple grew older, pieces of their shrines would often be lent to the weddings of their children. By the end of the Age, the shrine might contain the full genealogy of the family, with each item holding a special significance for the dozens of weddings it had graced. Marital shrines were one custom only ever practiced by the extremely wealthy, as anyone of lower means would not typically have a room to dedicate to memorializing their wedding day; but most ceremonial accoutrements were necessarily handed down in families, at all levels.

Divorce and Remarriage

Throughout the Golden Age, marriage was regarded as a covenant between two people and God; and as such did not involve the state. Indeed, the concept of marriage licenses was not even introduced until the Second Age. Divorce, then was carried out by the church.

Divorce was never forbidden or even especially frowned upon (in Arindell), though discouraged. In keeping with the marital oaths, a couple who had to separate was regarded as having broken those oaths. This was seen as a failure to each other and thus very shameful. The best way to avoid this was go through the church, if at all possible enlisting the help of the original officiator, in an early version of couples' counseling, wherein a priest would speak with the couple, and if at all possible help them fix their marriage.

Certain factors could grand an immediate divorce. Infidelity on either sides fault was grounds for separation, and was even occasionally used as an 'escape clause' - though doing so was considered especially shameful. Likewise, physical abuse could be grounds, in which case the abuser would bear the entirety of the shame. In both cases, some measure of proof was required, usually in the form of a third-party witness. The era placed a very heavy emphasis on honor, so if it was later discovered that such a witness had lied about these acts, they too could expect considerable public shame. Men faced much heavier persecution in these matters, especially in cases of infidelity and physical abuse. A man who beat his wife was automatically considered weak, without honor, and completely unworthy of pity. Women, meanwhile, who chose to leave their husbands on similar grounds, could typically expect considerable support from the community; but only if the infidelity or abuse could be proved. Women who committed adultery could also expect considerable shame, though could earn back the respect of the community by being chaste and not beginning to court again too soon.

In cases where infidelity and abuse were not evident, but it was clear that the marriage was just not working, the priest would first try to help the couple fix the marriage. When this failed, they would then assign each individual a series of feats to accomplish. These again were similar to the Slayer Dragon Trials and the courtship rites, though were usually done much more privately. A common feat was to walk the length and breath of the city, a challenge which any fit individual could usually accomplish with a few full days of trekking. Memorizing and reciting scripture were also common, as was preforming services for the church and the community. In the latter stages of divorce proceedings, both parties were expected to perform some public acts of charity, which was usually when the divorce was made public.

By completing these tasks, the couple was considered to have "done the work" necessary to be freed from their oaths to one another, and could then separate without shame. The dispensation of assets was further decided by the church, with women usually being favored especially in the cases where children were present (though custody was another difficult matter). In cases where both parties had a source of income, an equitable split was usually made; while in cases where one party earned for the family, the party without income often got much more. Continuing reparations were very rare, though large lump sums were common. In cases where one member came from a wealthy family and committed adultery or abuse, they could expect to be fined very heavily, with remunerations going to the innocent party. Among wealthy families, teaching young people to be faithful to their spouse was considered a very high priority, since one act of adultery could financially ruin the family.

Remarriage

Depending on the age at divorce (which could sometimes be very young), an individual might begin formal courtship proceedings again. Depending on the nature of the divorce, it was usually expected that they should wait a year before doing so, but there was never a strict rule.

For individuals who had completed a formal divorce through the church, there was very little disgrace attached to having been previously married. For divorces in their late twenties and older, it was typical to abandon the formal courtship process, though a ritualized wedding was still to be expected.

Dowries

A dowry was not given to the groom's family, but rather to the couple as a single entity. Typically, the wealthier of the two families was expected to provide such a dowry, especially when a large income disparity was present. In cases where both families were wealthy, there was often a competition to see who could provide the larger dowry.

The dowry was not expected to be returned if a marriage fell apart, but would not be presented if the wedding was called off.

Historical Significance and Later Influences

The Golden Age would be the subject of song and story throughout the rest of history.

The tradition of marital swords (specifically having a sword present at your wedding) persisted throughout the whole history of the Alliance, though starting in the Second Age it became common